I wrote most of this in an email to a close friend of ours and wanted to share some of these thoughts here. (Thanks for the inspiration Bette!)
I think the church and the world of counseling just have it wrong. Sure marriages need repair at times but why aren't we preparing couples for marriage? Why aren't we giving couples the tools they need to do life together, to serve together to love each other? It is the most important earthly bond and how much do you see churches focusing on it. You see churches once in awhile promote a marriage retreat. Or you see churches have divorce care. I've never met a person who gets married and says, "Man I hope I have an unhappy life now" or I've never seen a instance where the husband or wife get married expecting to fail. Yet with that being the case, half of the marriages end in divorce. The statistics are the same for Christian marriages. Many more aren't fulfilled in their marriage. The sad truth is the majority of marriages simply aren't happy relationships. They are ending in divorce or the couples stick together because of the shame involved in divorce or they stay together for the kids. So if all the couples getting married in our churches want to succeed in their marriage, why aren't they? I believe it is because we aren't preparing them. We aren't giving them the tools to be successful in a marriage relationship.
So what can we do? The issue is obvious. The circumstances are evident. I believe we need to hold churches to a higher expectation. We need churches to demand that couples do more than just get together a few times with the pastor to talk through logistics. We need to do more for these couples during their first few years of marriage.
This issue has captured our hearts more than any other. Trained and devoted couples serve better together, they are better parents, they are more effective in ministry, they are able to work through hard times, on and on.
Marriage Plus is an amazing ministry. We spent a couple days with Gary and Ann Wooley who started Marriage plus in the early 90's. Their couples "training" is effective and the fruit is evident. Teaching couples to become disciples and showing them the importance of community and relationship simply works. 160 couples have completed the 13-15 month marriage plus course in Denver alone over the past 15 years or so. I believe all but 3 are together today. They are active in leadership in churches. They are serving together. They have learned to marry their giftedness and personalities. They know the importance of the listening aspect of communication. They have talked through the tough issues of intimacy.
We would love to help Marriage Plus have a broader impact. We pray that doors open up to allow us to do it. Thanks for your continued prayers.
Sue and I are still searching for the next step. We have had times of stress and questioning but God has come through in a big way by providing for us. I have been able to get a couple construction jobs through Craigslist (http://www.craigslist.org/). What an awesome web service. I've heard that the guy who started it has been offered millions to sell it and refuses. He wants to keep it free. Thanks you Mr. Craigslist! I built a table for a couple here in Huntersville. It was a fun project. I have about 3 other jobs lined up right now. I enjoy doing the jobs and it is good $.
